*insert deep sigh here...

Another Kenyan love affair has come and gone. 

I've had a lot of thoughts that I've been trying to find time to blog. 

But now that I'm actually sitting here with a moment to write, I can't find anything to say. 

More often than not, my own words fail me. I have, however, been given the gift of a strong connection with the Psalms and with music. I think these are God's way of helping me say what I feel in my core. I can't really ever describe how a lyric, a verse from a Psalm, a single melody, can move me. I'll be having so many thoughts and emotions and can never sort them out. I turn to the Word, or I grab my iPod, and my Father gives me something that exactly says what my heart is crying out. 

So, I think I'll just roll with it. At least for now, and until I can find my own words I'll use what God is helping me out with. 

This first song is one that blows my mind. I didn't hear it until I was in Kenya this trip, but it takes almost verbatim some of my thoughts from my journal in 2008, after my first trip. ('My heart is the most broken it's ever been...how can I go back to living the way I was? I can't un-see what's been seen. There is no going back.' -Tuesday, July 15th 2008) It describes so explicitly where my heart was and is and...well, enough of my ramblings, let's just have the song already...

I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
And what I know of love

We've done what we've done and we can't erase it
We are what we are and it's more than enough
We have what we have but it's no substitution

Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I'm made of
And what I know of love

Something on the road
Cut me to the soul

I say what I say with no hesitation
I have what I have and I'm giving it up
I do what I do with deep conviction

Something on the road, cut me to the soul

Your pain has changed me
Your dreams inspire
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your pain has changed me
Your dream inspires
Your face a memory
Your hope a fire
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
Your courage asks me what I am made of
Your courage asks me what I am afraid of
And what I know of God,
And what I know of God.

Thanks so much for all your prayers and love during this latest adventure. In my opinion, when God calls you to do something, you don't really have an option. I mean, it's like I told David a while ago. I guess you could be a Jonah and say no, but seriously, who has time to get swallowed up by a big fish? And I'd rather not be vomited out onto a shadeless beach either. 

I think I'll just do what God asks me to, and avoid that whole scenario...doesn't mean it's easy peazy. That's what these songs and Psalms are about.